- Bae: babe come over
- Me: I just put my bagel bites in the oven
- Bae: my parents aren't home
- Me: I literally just put them in the oven
if i show someone my nippers and they don’t text me this they are out
i just burnt my tongue on my food and it made me realise that sometimes the ones you love hurt you the most
"I suddenly felt traces of the past floating back up from my lungs and feared that I would suffocate"
"You can tell so much about a person by the way they leave you."
"I would die for you. But I won’t live for you."
IM LAUGHING SO HARD DYLAN SPROUSE JUST RETWEETED THIS
can i make a bible out of this man’s tweets
The Kum and Go. Or as my mom called it, the ejaculate and evacuate.
Jizz and jet
shoot and scoot
blow your load and hit the road
bust ya nut and off ya strut
"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever."
If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you
Or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it
Good luck figuring out which one"